Posts Tagged ‘epic fail’

Fake Tans: An Epic FAIL







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Law Abiding Citizen: A Review (Save Your Money)


From Rotten Tomatoes: 24% Rotten (Average Rating: 4.3/10)

Consensus: Unnecessarily violent and unflinchingly absurd, Law Abiding Citizen is plagued by subpar acting and a story that defies reason.

“Shamelessly crass and blatantly stupid. There oughta be laws against films like this.”

That quote sums up my feelings exactly. Here are some more choice words on this (wretched) film:

“…the kind of ragged film that appeals to the lower common denominator rather than the intelligent portion of the viewer’s brain.”
“Simply rent Silence of the Lambs and Falling Down, then mash them together and maybe you’ll have what this movie was trying to achieve. Maybe.”

“Law Abiding Citizen is such a lazy action-drama underachiever, it seems unfair to target stars Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler for bringing their C game.”

And finally,

“Law Abiding Citizen could be the movie of the year, but only if you’re a big fan of stupid.”

Allow me to begin by lamenting that I have never, in the history of my adult movie-going career, asked for my money back after a film (and I have seen Epic Movie.) This was Gerard Butler’s worst film since, well, his last film. It’s filled with over-the-top action, and disappoints like 300 and RockNRolla, so good job for Mr. Butler and the whole not getting type cast into a shitty role like Jason Statham thing (It’s too bad The Ugly Truth couldn’t set him free.) Film Critic Susan Granger described Law Abiding Citizen as “Criminally contrived”, and I cannot help but to agree with the lady.
This movie had promise (think: Lucky Number Slevin) as a (sometimes) funny and entertaining revenge thriller, but quickly devolved into a twisted narrative featuring “gorno” (see: Saw I-VI), horrid (and contrived) dialogue, and a ridiculously illogical plot line that seemed to crumble as the movie progressed. It almost seemed as though the director made things up as he went along. The major plot points seemed glued together with poor adhesive, and slowly melted throughout the film into the closing crescendo in which Jamie Foxx attempted to unload his lines with a straight face and deliver a confused (and again, contrived) message that seems contradictory and absurd when compared to the political(?) theme the film was trying to capture and the message that it (ultimately) failed to deliver.
Such a sad ending for a film with such great promise. To be frank, I felt that this movie was 90% great (although, in retrospect a lot of it was mindless and gratuitous), but the final 10 minutes of the film were so utterly ridiculous and unsatisfying that I literally found myself shaking my head in disgust in the theater. I haven’t felt this jobbed since No Country for Old Men abruptly ended without accomplishing anything, or perhaps when Children of Men did the same thing. Ended. Stupidly. Without cause or meaning. This film could have been confused with Rob Zombie’s directorial thriller debut, as it used his trademark “let the guys win who you’re NOT rooting for” technique to close the story.
I am bitterly disappointed and almost appallingly upset at how horrible this movie turned out, and how insulting it was to the intelligence of the audience. Bad movies don’t trust the audience’s ability to think, good movies give the audience room to think, and great movies leave it up to the audience to figure it all out. In other words, great movies trust that the audience is intelligent enough to put together the pieces and decipher the message, metaphor and allegory that the director et al. are attempting to convey.  Well, Law Abiding Citizen was a stink bomb (can anyone say Razzie?) and failed miserably on almost every level a movie can fail.
Jamie Foxx, Gerard Butler and F. Gary Gray just lost my business until they can redeem themselves somehow. And no. I’m not talking about a lame biopic.
In closing, I want to send the men and women responsible for this film one message: Fuck off.

The Lawless Frontier of Internet Depravity: 4chan /b/

Did you ever wonder where all that shit in the above video, and demonic, horrifying shit such as: boXXy, goatse, two girls one cup, rick-rolling, tub girl and just about every pic on theChive, FailBlog, eBaumsworld, (shit, just about every fucking blog in the world) and youtube originated? Answer: 4chan – “the asshole of the internet”

Well, “/b/“, to be specific.

4chan cannot be explained. It can only be experienced. I have recently set out to infiltrate 4chan and become a “/b/tard”, but currently I am “fag” status and already been accused of trolling.

Here’s some brief information on 4chan from wikipedia:

The “random” board, /b/, follows the design of Futaba Channel’s Nijiura board. It was the first board created, and is by far 4chan’s most popular board, with 30% of site traffic. Gawker summarizes /b/ as a board where “people try to shock, entertain, and coax free porn from each other.” Certain post numbers are sought after with a large amount of posting taking place to “GET” them. A “GET” occurs when a post’s number ends in a special number, such as 12345678, 22222222, or every millionth post. A sign of 4chan’s scaling, according to moot (the site’s creator, and overlord), was when GETs lost meaning due to the high post rate resulting in a GET occurring every few weeks. Moot estimated /b/’s post rate in July 2008 to be 150,000–200,000 posts per day.

/b/ has a “no rules” policy, except for bans on certain illegal content, such as child pornography, invasions of other websites, and under-18 viewing, all of which are inherited from site-wide rules. The “no rules” policy also applies to actions of administrator and moderator, which means that users may be banned at any time, for any reason, including no reason at all. Due partially to its anonymous nature, board moderation is not always successful—indeed, the site’s anti-child pornography rule is a subject of jokes on /b/. moot told The New York Times, in a discussion on the moderation of /b/, that “the power lies in the community to dictate its own standards” and that site staff simply provided a framework.

The humor of /b/’s many users, who refer to themselves as “/b/tards”, is often incomprehensible to newcomers and outsiders, and is characterized by intricate inside jokes and black comedy. Users often refer to each other, and much of the outside world, as “fags.” They are often referred to by outsiders as trolls, who regularly act with the intention of accruing “LULz”: a corruption of  “LOL” used to denote amusement at another’s expense.  It has been said of the board, “reading /b/ will melt your brain”, and Encyclopedia Dramatica’s definition of /b/ as “the asshole of the Internet”. Matthias Schwartz of The New York Times likened /b/ to a “a high-school bathroom stall, or an obscene telephone party line”, while the Baltimore City Paper wrote that “in the high school of the internet, /b/ is the kid with a collection of  switch blades and a locker full of porn.” Wired Magazine describes /b/ as a “notorious, terrifying, insane no-man’s land.”

The Guardian once summarized the 4chan community as “lunatic, juvenile… brilliant, ridiculous and alarming.”

Here’s an example of the above-mentioned “boXXy” (courtesy of /b/):

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

This crazy broad created a civil war amongst /b/tards which ultimately led to the entire 4chan community – and to a larger degree – the internet as a whole to come to a crashing halt for a brief period of time in early 2009. You see, a fierce debate erupted between users who want to fuck this broad and users who want to kill her, light her on fire, and mutilate her body. As you can tell – she’s incredibly annoying, yet strangely intriguing. Her polarizing nature has earned her the title of  “The most successful troll ever to exist.”

Urban Dictionary describes Boxxy as:

An unbelievably annoying yet strangely mesmerizing cam-girl that has the wierd ability to bring YOUR FUCKING INTERNET TO IT’S FUCKING KNEES.

Boxxy caused so much chaos in early 2009 that 4chan got temporarily shut down, along with the rest of the internet.

Her brief internet life was brought to an end when a group called CBCR (Center for Boxxy Control and Restriction) found her personal details and “accidentally” leaked it all over the web. They then deleted all her videos and replaced them with a blood red warning message saying “Never post another video again”