25 Days Without a Post!?
Sorry for the hiatus. I promised new material… I delivered: Nothing.
There are several reasons for this, and rather than write individual rants/diatribes for each one, I’ll simply list them conveniently for y’all:
I. On St. Patrick’s Day, 2010 I was arrested in Fullerton, CA at 10:13pm (not even enough time to get a decent drink in me!) and booked for misdemeanor assault & battery. The DA has yet to file charges.
II. While incarcerated (app. 10pm – 6am) I was beaten over a half-dozen times by two-three different officers. I sustained several broken fingers, bruised ribs and a mild concussion.
III. I had to sell my ’94 BMW 3-series to pay my attorney’s retainer fee to ensure this does not destroy my future (I work in an industry that is heavily regulated and does extensive criminal and financial background checks.)
IV. I exhausted my unemployment benefits after 99 weeks. In that time, I sent out 842 applications/resumes, had 17 job interviews with 11 different companies, and was hired once (by a financial group in Newport Beach, CA.)
V. End result: I worked on a 10-99, commission-only basis (translation: I paid my own expenses and didn’t earn any money) and ended the year with a roughly $6,000 loss.
VI. I am now car-less, jobless, money-less and have sold off almost everything I own at record stores, pawn shops, craigslist, eBay, Buffalo Exchange and yard sales. I have virtually no tangible assets to my name.
VII. My bank accounts were all either frozen or closed due my inability to make minimum monthly credit payments due to the financial hardship I am currently suffering.
VIII. As we speak, I have a net worth of $20.27.
IX. I continue to search for employment in vain.
X. Life’s a bitch, and then you die.
End Note: If any of my readers in Orange County hear of any job opening, then please HOLLER at your boy. Unfortunately, blogging does not pay, and despite the tens of thousands of patrons I attract via the google search terms “lesbians”, “big clit”, “anal sex”, and “Japanese hentai tentacle rape porn” I have not received a donation since 2009 (shout out to the folks that threw down btw! Even $1 counts my friends.)
I’ll try to check back in soon, it’s just tough to create hilarious/offensive/provocative material when you exist in a perpetual state of doom, misery and melancholy cynicism. I know you understand. That’s why I like you.
Edit: Oops. I almost forget the best part! My girlfriend also dumped me due to my …lifestyle (or lack thereof.)