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You Guys Are the Tits


I totally expected maybe a couple 3 cent donations… but damn, you guys hooked it up! I am very gracious for your benevolence (especially in such a harsh economic climate.)

Just wanted to give a shout out to all those who have donated to the cause. I was able to procure some Coors as a result of your generosity! Bravo, gentlemen, bravo!

Now I wish I had some material for you guys. The 4chan well has gone dry for the moment, so I don’t have any classic vids or images for y’all.. so maybe I’ll tell you all a story:

This is an actual conversation that took place between me and MTV’s Steve-O (of Jackass fame) in Autumn 2007:

Steve-O: “Got any cocaine?”

Me: “Yeah, want some?”

Steve-O: “Fuck yeah.”

Me: “Word. Let me hit that Crown Royale!”

Steve-O: “You got it, brother.”

(Several minutes of heavy cocaine use and alcohol consumption pass, before the conversation picks back up. I should note that during this lull, Steve-O pulled out his cock, and shot heroin directly into it for my amusement. It was the most epic speed ball I have ever witnessed. I should also mention that it is not uncommon for men to lose their legs and penis as a result of infection after injecting cocaine and/or heroin directly into their urethra.)

Me: “So why are you so fucking crazy dude?”

Steve-O: “My dad was a businessman growing up, so we always traveled. I spent most of my childhood in Caracas (Venezuela) and London. I used to get the SHIT beaten out of me. Often times, the kids in Caracas would strip me naked and pelt me with rocks. But in Britain, it was worse. They would strip me naked, beat me with chains, and anally penetrate me with everything from golf balls, to pool cues, to twigs, pebbles and match sticks. It was pretty fucked up. I was a skinny yankee living in Britain. I got the shit kicked out of my routinely. The anal rape is probably what fucked me up the most, though.”

Me: “Holy… shit.”

Steve-O (while snorting some more cocaine): “Yeah, but I’m not gay or anything. Plus my cock works fine. I still fuck.”

Me: “That’s good.”

Steve-O: “Yeah dude, my childhood was fucked up” (begins to cry), “It’s all an act, dude. I HATE doing that shit for Jackass. But they pay me, and I’m always high as SHIT on coke, oxycontin.. booze, whatever. So it doesn’t hurt.”

Me: “I KNEW you must have been fucked up. There’s no way a sober person tries that shit.”

Steve-O: “Yeah, Johnny (Knoxville) usually takes like 20-30 norcos before we shoot. Pontius too. We’re all pretty fucking loaded. I would never try that shit sober. Fuck that. Never.”

(Steve-O then takes a look at the coffee table in front of us, swigs the crown bottle, snorts some more more cocaine, nods to me, and walks away into another room.)

It was one of the most enlightening conversations I have ever had with a celebrity. And since it was totally “off the record”, I probably shouldn’t be “reporting” it. But hey, that’s what blogging is all about.

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