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The Female Douche


Whenever someone compiles a list of ‘Biggest Douches’, you often find that these lists are comprised entirely of men. This begs the question: Is there such thing as a female douche? The answer: Yes.

Let’s take a look at my list:

5. Elizabeth Hasslebeck, Co-host of The View and Conservative Apologist.

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4. Sarah Palin, Former Republican Vice Presidential candidate, and former Governor of Alaska.

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A woman who believes that abortion should be illegal even in cases of rape and incest? Sounds like a douche to me.

3. Andy Dick, D-List Celebrity; Sodomite

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I think the mug shot speaks for itself. Oh yeah, and he molested me in a Hollywood nightclub after feeding me barbituates and cocaine all night long. I had to forcibly remove his hand from my penis, on which he held a rather aggressive kung-fu grip. The two of us haven’t spoken since. Although Steve-O tells me he’s sober, but still a huge douche.

2. Anne Coulter, Conservative Pundit/Republican Apologist

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This anti-semitic right wing barbie doll has been a fixture on the Fox News Channel for almost a decade. Fortunately for America, she recently had her jaw wired shut (Note: her mouth has since been removed of its wires), sparing us all from mindless, hate-filled diatribes that have come to define her nefarious persona.

1. Heidi Montag: Co-Founder of Power Douche Couple ‘Speidi’

Exhibit A.

Holy shit, what a douche.

Exhibit B.

Anything her and/or Spencer say/have said in interviews. Ever.

Heidi Montag, flash-in-the-pan celebrity, and female douche of the year.

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