Home > Uncategorized > Moving To New City to Solve All Area Man’s Problems

Moving To New City to Solve All Area Man’s Problems


LOS ANGELES—All of area resident Brian Shepard’s problems, including his
fear of commitment, lack of personal direction, and inability to learn
from past failures, will be instantly solved this week when the
29-year-old packs up his belongings and moves to a new city. “Moving to
Portland is going to make all the difference in the world,” said
Shepard, who, just by putting 2,500 miles distance between himself and
years of destructive behavior, will suddenly turn his life around. “It
won’t be anything like Chicago, or Boston, or San Francisco. This is
exactly what I need right now.” Shepard also plans to completely
eliminate his dependence on self-denial by ignoring his dependence on
self-denial.

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