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Just Not Horny


I got one for you Dr. Drew – I’m 23 and I could give a fuck about fucking.

Miranda Kerr Goodness.

Miranda Kerr Goodness.

This picture to the left here does nothing for me. Nor would it do anything for me were it a n00d.  I think I may have sexed myself out sometime between the ages of 19 to 22; a period in which I did enough sexual experimenting to make Dr. Moreau blush. I pretty much accomplished everything on my “sexual bucket list” before the age of 25, which now makes sex boring for me. Fortunately, it has not turned me into a BDSM deviant who requires role play and a cat-o-nine-tails to get off.

This may just be a phase though. I could easily attribute this to my distrust of women, which is equal parts cynicism and disappointment. It’s kind of hard to get it up for the opposite sex when you’re completely convinced they operate out of self-interest and instant gratification, even if it’s at the expense of someone they care about. I’ve had enough traumatic experiences with women since the age of 18 that I am truly convinced I suffer from some form of female-produced PTSD.

That’s a pretty potent cocktail from impotence I’d say. Crossing off every sexual exploit in a man’s sexual fantasy handbook (threesomes, interracial, anal, MILF, slam pigs, et al.) in addition to being sexually traumatized from years of walking in on my girlfriends being filmed, gang-banged and tossed around by other men is certainly enough to psychologically damage my delicate libido.

FML.

FML.

It’s quite a shame too might I add – I have a lot to offer women. One of the most effective tidbits of information I picked up during my sexual genesis was to “double up on the oral” (thank you, Man Show) if I wished to receive a call-back from a woman after having sex with them for the first time. This is GREAT advice. If you’re a man, there’s a very small chance you’re going to get a woman off exclusively through penetration (especially if you last under 5 minutes, or for more than 45.) So, somewhere out in the world, there’s a woman who would very much love my services, but does not have access to them because I get more of a hard-on from watching baseball (this is true, and painfully ironic) than I do from a supermodel in a bikini.

I’m going to see how much longer this lasts (I pray my desire to fuck re-emerges before month’s end) before taking drastic measures. Not only am I not having sex, but I’m also not jerking it – which is fine by me. I loathe masturbation. I always experience an overwhelming sense of shame once I’m done whacking it to spankwire. For me, the less masturbation, the better. So I’m kind of looking at this as a blessing.

I’ll keep you guys posted on how it’s going with me between the sheets. And I’ll pray that when my libido returns, I have options (in terms of a partner), and also that living at my dad’s house isn’t a massive cock block. Don’t expect any candid details though. I’ll simply write a one-sentence post such as “It has returned”, as opposed to a long, drawn-out blog detailing the page-by-page events of my next sexual encounter. It’s just not a gentlemanly thing to kiss and tell (from what I hear.) Now excuse me, for I must meditate.

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