Medical Marijuana: Complete Bullshit

You have got to hand it to stoners: They are some resourceful, and intelligent (not to mention well-versed in law) mother fuckers.

They got their drug of choice “legalized.” Kind of. And under the guise of “medicine” no less. Wow. Impressive. What’s next? Medical tobacco? Medical whiskey? (actually I suppose whiskey was considered medicinal in the 19th century, wasn’t it?)

This is what disgusts me about “medical” marijuana: The abuse of the system.

Yes, I do understand that TERMINALLY ill patients (see: people with less than 6 months to live) who have cancer and lack an appetite because of their chemotherapy and vomit regularly need it to stop the puking, and up their appetite. But what about everyone else?

I’ve heard of people obtaining bogus marijuana prescriptions from “known” doctors for a variety of bullshit reasons. (Also, I think it’s funny that there are these “known” doctors who practice the shady art of exclusively prescribing marijuana to anyone that is willing to shell out $300 for a visit. Fucking hilarious.) Anyway.

I know people who have obtained an Rx for: Headaches (really, Advil didn’t work?), menstrual pains (umm…), back pain (take a vicodin, pussy) and tons of other bullshit (see: fake; non-existent) conditions. Basically, if you’re a stoner, you invent some symptoms, roll into a doctor who is known around the block for handing out ‘scripts, and complain about your phantom illness. He then writes you a recommendation for your dope, and you go pick it up “legally.” Wow.

Why doesn’t the FDA just have some big pharmaceutical company invent THC pills? Wouldn’t that work just as well? Probably. I am 100% in favor of medical marijuana for people who are going to die. If you’re dying, and you genuinely, LEGITIMATELY need marijuana, then fuck it – smoke. Smoke til you die! What irks me are these run-of-the-mill, everyday stoners who falsify a medical condition in order to perpetuate their dependence (see: addiction) of the kind buds. It’s so incredibly stupid to me. It blows my mind.

I used to smoke. I get it. Fuck, if I was still a slave to the danks, I would probably have some bogus clinic membership as well. This whole charade disgusts me. The federal and state governments already have their hands full with alcohol and the all the problems it causes (DUIs, 50%+ rapes and violent crimes involved alcohol, etc.) and tobacco (all these multi-BILLION dollar wrongful death lawsuits.) So why on EARTH would they consider legalizing marijuana?

I’ve driven stoned. It was fucking terrifying. I can testify that I was 150% more fucked up behind the wheel and unable to operate a car safely while high on marijuana than I ever have been driving with a couple of beers in me. Also, every crime I ever committed was the result of some idiotic decision I rationalized while stoned. For example: “Duuuude, I need $40 for a couple dubs, I think I’ll go steal some tools from a construction site and pawn them for cash! Yeaaaah, brah.”

The whole thing, again, disgusts me. What the fuck is wrong with people?

It’s not that I’m anti-weed, I’m just anti-douchebag stoners and pot-smoking lawyers and professors who think they’re clever by obtaining medical marijuana licenses, and then selling that shit on the street, growing it or smoking it under the shield of state law. Fuck ‘em.

Do I think people should do time for marijuana possession? FUCK no. Absolutely not. I think a ticket should suffice. Do I think marijuana should remain illegal? Yes. Yes, and YES. The government does NOT need to open this pandora’s box (no matter how much tax revenue it generates.)

As I once told my friend Tem, “You should thank tweakers (meth addicts) every day you wake up, because if not for them, stoners would be the filthiest creatures on the face of this Earth.”

I stand by those words.

Marijuana nearly ruined my life, and I have deep contempt for the drug, the culture, and those that use it habitually. I want to get something straight though: I don’t hate weed-smokers, I hate STONERS. And yes, there’s a difference. Have you ever heard Chris Rock explain the difference between a black person and a “Nigger”? Well, it’s kind of the same thing (excuse my use of the “n-word”, it was Chris Rock’s example, not mine.)

Weed smokers are people who discreetly smoke, don’t act high (in fact, you wouldn’t know they were high unless they told you), and mind their own business. They obey the law and act as functioning members of society. To them, a joint is tantamount to a cup of coffee and a cigarette to you and me.

Stoners, on the other hand, are disgusting creatures who can only contribute to a conversation if it involves marijuana, marijuana cultivation, strains of marijuana, the legality of marijuana, and the latest issue of high times. These people are worthless, with rotting brains who contribute little to nothing to society and are overall scumbags. We all know a “stoner.” They are bad people. They are the filth on the bottom of my shoe.

These are the people I hate. These are the people that obtain bogus medical cards for their bud and then turn around and sell it to high school kids. I could rant all day, but I’ll stop it here. Stoners should not have the luxury, nor the right to obtain their drug of choice. As long as cocaine, heroin and methamphetamine are illegal – so should marijuana. Fuck ‘em.